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Member
hello everyone,
i wrote this song myself... and in this file I play it and sing it.
The recording is not the best, and my voice is even worse. But I wanted to post the track anyway
because I would be interested in your opinions from a musical, compositional, pianistic, etc. point of view.
Please be direct and harsh.
Member
I liked it, except for your voice.
But above all, it's much better than certain obscenities one hears at San Remo; have you ever thought about running for candidacy?
Member
my idea is to just write. I would definitely like to leave the singing to others!
Member
I have tracked down these 3 songs in the past
Aside from the instrumentation, yours definitely has the flavor of a song in the modern sense...
I must say that I liked it; thinking of a popular audience, perhaps the piano is too "cultured" and anyway it has substantial interludes. It didn't bother me... but if the purpose were what I sensed, the interludes are very jazzy and don't always hit the mark. I repeat, thinking of the pop context.
Member
true! I agree. The piano interludes don't convince me much either.
but with the jazz knowledge I have, I couldn't do much more than that!
the melodic line doesn't convince me either... after having written it,
upon listening, it seemed like a melodic mishmash of styles: a bit jazz, a bit pop, etc.
and that certainly wasn't the intention. anyway, my goal was to write a
good singer-songwriter song, without particular aesthetic pretensions... just elegant, well-made
and pleasant to listen to. all in all I like it, but I think I still have to work
a bit more
Moderator
Given that I liked it, is the lyrics yours? Speaking of which, in the context of writing a song, how did you approach the Verse/Chorus structure? I ask because, in my opinion, it lacks that immediacy characteristic of a light music song, that simplicity (or perhaps immediacy, indeed) in making one want to sing along right away.
What left a strong impression on me instead was the melody and the sonic atmosphere, pleasant and at times even elegant... so you have achieved those objectives... in fact, up to 0:50 it is very inspired, as is everything that derives from this material.
In a melodic context, I believe harmony doesn't win, and indeed the first piano interlude at 0:50 is centered as a harmonic context but melodically reprises almost nothing; for example, the subtle part at the second minute is much better.
The piano solo at 2:30... "distracts a lot".
In my opinion, today pop music revolves around two major components: the performer's voice and the video clip; the rest is obviously not a detail, but as Lupino says and as you demonstrate awareness of, you must master your Knowledge... which can come more to a musician. I guarantee that I greatly appreciated what I questioned just a moment ago, only because I wanted to evaluate them through the eyes of someone who has the current Pausini in their ears.
In my opinion, in a video where the pianist with the most "interesting mannerisms" caresses the keyboard, posing with a lost gaze and such amenities (you know Einaudi?), it gives off a strong sense to the average listener...
and allows you to "go all out" in the solo. But even the piano must "sing".
Anyway, this is just my opinion; I had the desire to listen to your song again, so... it's just that I don't know how much of a lyricist I am as a pop listener or rather, I have my own idea of pop which obviously cannot be universal.
Member
Thank you for your observations, frank.
The text is mine and it was the greatest effort.
And I emphasize 'effort'!
As for the music, in fact, I didn't sweat in the same way.
Member
ScalaQuaranta wrote:The lyrics are mine and they were the greatest effort.
And I emphasize 'effort'!
Right, the lyrics!
In fact, many pop musicians rely on lyricists, a profession of great respect...
Member
Regarding the verse-chorus issue, I have made a choice, aware of the implications during listening. It is a compromise born from the idea of considering the lyrics the most important part of this song and, in particular, highlighting its form: a small sung novel.
The standard 'rules' of pop songs state the following:
Verse: dynamic and discursive character
refrain: static and reflective character.
Following this practice, perhaps I would have interrupted the concatenated evolution of the story's events, which resolves at the end.
I realize anyway that by doing so, the musical dimension is somewhat flattened.
Moderator
ScalaQuaranta wrote:consider the text as the most important part of this song and, in particular, highlight its form: a little sung novel.
Yes, it is understood
A song that came to mind and that tells a story effectively is that of Barbarossa: L'amore rubato (I don't know if you know it)
Look, for example, at what he does:
The girl did not imagine
that that too was love
......
the girl did not imagine
that the pain was so strong
......
and the assonances of the text in the second part of these passages.
It is a non-standard use of verse-chorus precisely due to the need related to the storytelling, but it is very effective (tastes aside). I think your song also has its dose of originality, I am talking about how it is devised... but this genre must really imprint itself on the ear upon the first listen, "as if the song had always been known" (already "heard"? ...I know what you are thinking, but it is one side of the coin).
Member
In my opinion, all songs, one after another, tell a "story"... of course, in different forms.
Anyway, I found this one by ScalaQuaranta pleasant
Member
It feels like.... Concato in the style of Cammariere.
I find the idea well-developed; perhaps the conclusion is a bit too "baglionica" (bombastic) (between 1:52 and 2:08), from there I would remove a bit of the national-popular element, trying to maintain the more jazz-sophisticated atmosphere of the beginning.
Regarding the accompaniment (which is nonetheless beautiful in the solos and well-played), I would tone down the arpeggione at 2:07.
Anyway, these are personal tastes.
Bravo!
Member
Thanks for your contribution, pesatasti!
Member
And naturally thanks to everyone who has contributed so far and to those who (I hope) will! I have read your observations with great interest. I will treasure them!
Member
You have already received many suggestions; I wouldn't know what to add other than to suggest giving the material a single direction—either you go towards Jazz or you go towards pop... neither of the 2 choices is wrong from the start, it is just a choice... namely, a selection of the listeners who will be interested in your song.
Member
I found it pleasant!
even the "minestrone of styles" didn't bother me. One can definitely go towards pop, or jazz, or whatever else... but even the middle grounds can be intriguing (at least to me!)
thanks Scala!
Member
I only just noticed the wording at the bottom of this forum "...provided they are not covered by copyright".
specifically, I don't quite know what that means. The piece I posted here is regularly registered with SIAE.
what should be done?
Member
If there isn't a publisher involved, in my opinion you can do whatever you want.
Member
no middleman publisher, just myself
Member
My opinion is that since you only have to agree with "yourself"... do whatever you want
However, the last word goes to the hosts ... send a PM to TheSimon or PianoExpert
