I like the mode that permeates the entire piece; it reminds me a bit of my composition teacher.
Mode?
rstrauss wrote:
b. 21 on the left, I would have preferred seeing it in the re-re octave below to have the same rhythm as beats 3 and 4
Too schematic, and the re at that octave had just been heard; the movement re2 re1 re2 across the bar line (20-21) is more refined, which invites the subsequent do2 do1 do2 to be proposed with a different rhythmic pattern.
rstrauss wrote:
Then, from b. 21 to 24, I don't know if it was your intention, but I would have seen a progression with a bit more pathos, perhaps with a bit more in the left hand, since you then return to the rhythm of b. 17, which fits perfectly.
I prefer the delicacy of how it is written ... in relation to the characteristics of the theme. In a nocturne, I don't hear loud "shouts," and then the beginning of the second theme is on the upbeat without accompaniment; I feel more like taking away than adding. And besides, this gesture is preparatory for 40, giving it more continuity in the global economy of the piece.
rstrauss wrote:
b. 33
the two mi in the left hand octave seem a bit little to me ... 4 quarter notes mi-la-do would have created continuity with the following bar, and by letting the pedal ring through to 35, you could have always maintained the initial 1/4 pause.
In reality, those two mi serve to close what happened before, not to give continuity to what comes after, which, moreover, must cease very shortly. In fact, it actually needs a stop; otherwise, the material of section B does not fade out gradually.
I hope I have been clear
Thank you too for your attention and for the compliments
thanks for the comment strauss, I accept your objections, especially the 2nd one
that I may not have succeeded in my intention is the first thing I will say, but I reiterate that my model was that of frank, who built part A over 16 measures without real contrasts within it.
this would certainly be acceptable if you had written a nocturne/prelude/scherzo etc. ... but presenting your elaboration as variations, I felt this need.
then if your intention was to go in the direction taken by Frank, then you should have followed the theme all the way through ... so measures like 12 and 13 with two 1/4 notes at the beginning should have been at least with a syncopated rhythm ... then you would have truly hit the mark.
anyway this in no way prejudices the piece which, as you can see, has offered very different ideas from one another, just as I did when I chose the path of contrast.
AleGozzo wrote:
i am not a pianist and I always have difficulty with his writing, especially when you start with a rigid accompaniment from which it is difficult to loosen up naturally (should I leave it like this? repetitive .... should I move the accents? too emphatic.... etc)
with the piano, little is needed ... an accompaniment like our proposal with 4 notes/chords of 1/4 can be successfully varied with very little: make the first note an 1/8 and the chord a 1/4 dotted and you have already done enough.
hi raffaele, I'm sorry but your piece did not satisfy me much; certainly, if you were looking for an 'opportunity to try your hand at sonata form, I must say that you took advantage of it by managing the situation in a formally correct way, but I do not forgive you for having transformed the sweet melancholy of this theme into a grotesque feeling
the most pleasant part is the 2nd theme, which however, in my opinion, also blends poorly with the 1st.
on the development, I would say there is much to work on, because it must be a moment of dramatization and disintegration, whereas you played a bit too much on simply transporting the theme or fragments into other keys; it is called "development," not "transportation"
ps
since you were here, you could have also included some codas.
hi raffaele, I'm sorry but your piece did not satisfy me much; certainly, if you were looking for an 'opportunity to test yourself with sonata form, I must say that you took advantage of it by managing the situation in a formally correct way, but I do not forgive you for having transformed the sweet melancholy of this theme into a grotesque feeling
the most pleasant part is the 2nd theme, which however, in my opinion, also blends poorly with the 1st.
on the development, I would say there is much to work on, because it must be a moment of dramatization and disintegration, whereas you played a bit too much on simply transporting the theme or fragments into other keys; it is called "development," not "transport"
ps
since you were here, you could have also included some codettas.
I will work on it
In the meantime, thank you for the criticism, which is as always constructive. since I haven't yet studied/assimilated the concept of the sonata
It is a way to gather advice.
I don't know if it was understood, but I try to avoid being too serious in character.
I always play it for "fun"
This time especially, I enjoyed going in this "grotesque" direction.
As far as the development is concerned, however, it is not true that it was just a transport.
Then, if you see it that way, fine, but I didn't intend it that way...
It caught me off guard (positively), it seems to me like a free improvisation clearly based on the given theme.
Perhaps the change of "register" at the fourth second is a bit abrupt; it would have been better for you to start immediately with the style that pervades the piece or to detach yourself more progressively from the original.
Around 4'4"" perhaps it is a bit predictable, for the rest it is not bad at all, on the contrary, I listened to it very gladly, thank you.
i like it, an original interpretation and, in my opinion, well done.
there seems to be a second part from about 40'' onwards, which I find a bit less brilliant and imaginative, but that does not change the fact that it is all very pleasant to listen to
bel pezzo, well written according to your standards and very romantic in your style
i really loved the embellishments in the section from bar 23, unfortunately it's a shame to have to listen to it in midi
just to criticize a little I will say that I didn't appreciate the response very much (for the usual reasons, but maybe it's my obsession by now ....) and then, well, there is really a lot of stuff in a small space: in the first 15 bars we already find sixteenth notes, triplets, thirty-second notes, syncopations, trills... calm down
ps
you definitely have a piano at home ... do you know that the ipad records very well ??!
P
puntocoronato
Member
Reply 113 by puntocoronato
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18
I wanted to compliment Frank. Truly beautiful and interesting, and he is the only one I have enjoyed listening to until the end and more than once.
bel pezzo, well written as per your standards and very romantic in your style
i really loved the embellishments in the section from bar 23, unfortunately it's a shame to have to listen to it in midi
just to criticize a little I will say that I didn't appreciate the response very much (for the usual reasons, but maybe it's my obsession by now ....) and then, well, there is really so much stuff in a small space: in the first 15 bars we already find sixteenth notes, triplets, thirty-second notes, syncopations, trills... calm down
i am detoxing in an attempt not to overdo it out of excessive zeal ... Rachmaninoff was like that too ... come on ... grant me this ...
AleGozzo wrote:
ps
you definitely have a piano at home ... do you know that the ipad records very well ??!
Strictly in order, commentary on the Jam Session piece
Compared to the previous work, it seems more coherent to me; in my opinion, the response is too "abrupt," it detaches too quickly from the starting material. As for harmony, the response even seems more "aggressive" than the subsequent bars... let's just say I noticed a certain awkwardness.
... I struggle a bit with the identical texture from beginning to end
Among your weak points, harmony is certainly one and an area where you would have room for improvement; instead, it is the melody; you could have better hidden the weight of a constant texture.
On the other hand, I find the ability to vary harmonically very good, in short, finding alternative chord symbols against the same melodic pattern.
Therefore, improving, I think you are very close to proposing something more credible.
